


No Love

by ChelseasDeadSmile



Series: Beauty From Pain [2]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, M/M, One Shot, Past Abuse, Songfic, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 14:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelseasDeadSmile/pseuds/ChelseasDeadSmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when healed, wounds may need to be re-opened to fully heal for the sake of the heart, mind, and soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Love

**Author's Note:**

> As it says in the "Tags", there is Triggers of violence and abuse in the one-shot. So I strongly advise against reading this if you have been in an abusive relationship and haven't gotten passed it.
> 
> Song Used: No Love by Simple Plan.
> 
> I own the band name Two Weeks From Forever.

Nasir dreaded singing the next song, because it was going to rip him apart just as equally as the first song did, but it was like the second year of the relationship he had with Castus where he stopped speaking his mind and where his mind wasn't his own anymore. His mind had been corrupted by the many times rough sex had been forced upon him in any nook of the apartment he and Castus shared. No matter where he had hidden himself - Castus had always found him, and dominated him in any means necessary.

"Nasir, are you going to be alright with this next song?" Spartacus came up and asked him as the piano was getting final tweaks done to it so Nasir could play it. Nasir didn't hesitate with his answer like he usually did, "I need to be alright, because this is my one shot to finally lay it all to rest." Spartacus nodded, and gave Nasir a gentle pat on his back to show his support before he returned to his position to do a quick strum check on the frets and cords of his guitar. Nasir took his last couple of minutes to compose himself before looking to the side of the stage to see his heart restraining himself.

Nasir made a bee-line to him, and gave him a deep kiss that spoke the words he couldn't form; Nasir was telling him that he'd be alright, he wanted to do this, and that he loved the man with all of his heart. His lover reciprocated the kiss with emotions of love, courage, and confidence before pulling away, and pushing Nasir lightly to the stage so the show could go on.

Nasir positioned himself in front of the piano and took many deep breathes as he thought just on how many scars he'd be opening from just this one song alone. "Go little man! Make Lugo proud!" Lugo shouted from the front of the audience which got the crowd going once more to cheer Nasir and the band on.

_Staring out into the world across the street,_  
 _You hate the way your life turned out to be._  
 _He's pulling up in the driveway and you don't make a sound,_  
 _'Cause you always learn to hold the things you want to say._  
 _You're always gonna be afraid!_

Nasir had forgotten how many days he had stared at the bakery across the street hoping someone would come save him, but the jiggle of the door handle always announced that the fantasy was over for the day and he was either going to get the sweet, loving man he fell in love with or the tyrant that wanted nothing more than to see Nasir cower from him. Nasir was convinced that the tyrant was brought on by him though so he did everything Castus asked... he even licked the floor clean once because Castus asked him too.

Nasir didn't know how many times he had wanted to protest to everything Castus forced him or wanted him to do in the beginning, but he learned to suppress those thoughts after feeling the stretch of rough sex, the sting of a belt, and the punch of a fist.

_There's only hate_  
 _There's only tears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here_  
 _Oh, so what will you do?_  
 _There's only lies_  
 _There's only fears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here_

He was only 16 when their relationship had started, but, Nasir guessed, he should blame himself for how it began. Nasir and Chadara had snuck into a bar through the back door Nemetes was holding open for them so they wouldn't have to go passed the Bouncers, Donar and Lugo, who refused to let the two anywhere close to the bar. Nasir felt a zing in his blood that left him ecstatic and alive with energy, but this wasn't a club he could disappear in just to dance and get lost in the music - this was an unsavory place where even 20-something predator's roamed; Nasir had walked into a man's sight that wanted him...desperately, and Nasir didn't deny him even to the point where he to the man's bed.

Nasir regretted to this day that he hadn't kept his wits about him in the bar - even going so far as to ignore Nemetes' warnings about leaving with a man he didn't know, but Nasir had wanted to feel that rush he got when he was dominated in sex. After that night, Castus had started visiting him everywhere he went always nice, always polite until he demanded Nasir moved out of his parents house so he could have better control of Nasir.

From that day on, once Nasir moved in, he no longer knew the warmth of a happy touch to see him nor the kind words of a loyal friend - Castus took it all from him, and left him with nothing but suicidal thoughts and a constant need to prove himself to the one man that would never accept anything he did.

_Broken down like a mirror smashed to pieces,_  
 _You learned the hard way to shut your mouth and smile._  
 _If these walls could talk they would have so much to say,_  
 _'Cause every time you fight the scars are gonna heal, but they're never gonna go away!_

For a long time Nasir forgot what it was like to feel, what it was like to think for himself; he had learned the hard way after every rough pull of his hair, every hit to his face, and every broken plate that scratched him that he should just keep his mouth shut and smile whenever they were around people at parties. All Nasir was, was a pretty face to show to Castus' friends while the man bragged that he was taming a wild dog.

Oh, if the apartment he and Castus lived in could talk it would tell you of the countless times Nasir had screamed in agony when Castus took him roughly from behind, and from all the punishment he endured once Castus got into a mood to beat him black and blue as the light cried out for him to push through the torment, and the shadows begged him to come within it's loving embrace. The only time the shadows were able to help was when the pain of Castus' rough thrusting and angry punching became too much, and he'd be encompassed by the loving darkness that he looked forward to each and every time pain was placed upon him.

The darkness held loving eyes and faces that would do no harm to him; as well as the man that Nasir tried not to stare at, at the grocery store, but once those breath taking blue eyes met his own brown eyes - Nasir was lost into emotions he thought were long since dead by Castus' hands, and the pain become a little bearable.

Through all the scars Nasir sustained from injuries by Castus' hands, there were many that were soul deep, and, at times, still hard to bear even though his life had healed from all previous wounds and good friends from before became best friends now.

_There's only hate_  
 _There's only tears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here_  
 _Oh, so what will you do?_  
 _There's only lies_  
 _There's only fears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There in no love here_  
 _Oh no, so what will you do?_

Nasir one day woke up and just stared up at the ceiling wondering where his life had gone. It was like the lights in his brain got flipped back to the on switch, and, once where empty caverns laid, thoughts started pouring in as if from a very long drought. It was his 18th birthday that day, and he no doubt knew Castus wouldn't acknowledge it like he did last year only than have Nasir lay on his stomach all day as Castus took pleasure from Nasir's body while giving Nasir none.

Nasir's mind started tumbling through all of the events of the last three years of his life which caused him to silently get out of bed and go to the lone bathroom in the apartment so the sobs and tears he started shedding wouldn't wake Castus up and anger him. Nasir's mind showed him each and every time that Castus took him roughly without care for Nasir's well-being, every dish thrown at him, every punch and kick of Castus' feet and fists, and every look from Castus' eyes that had no love for Nasir within their depths.

If Nasir had been afforded the luxury, he would have stayed in the bathroom all day thinking over all that had been done to him within just three years, but he didn't have that luxury. He needed to take a shower, he needed to build bridges back to his friends so they could know he was still alive, and he needed to end his relationship with Castus because it was slowly killing him.

_You're falling, you're screaming_  
 _You're stuck in the same old nightmare_  
 _He's lying, you're crying_  
 _There's nothing left to salvage_  
 _Kick the door 'cause this is over_  
 _Get me out of here_  
 _(Kick the door)_

Like previous days, his birthday came and went with nothing, but a ripple of wind. Nasir acted the part of the still submissive him as every other day, but his mind was tumultuous as he thought of so many ways to get out of the situation he had been in and became sickened by. No longer did Nasir want to just lay down and die, he wanted to fight and get out of the relationship, he realized, he never wanted to be in.

Castus was supposed to be just a one-night stand that ended with no strings attached, but the older man had thought differently thus leading Nasir to being in the relationship he was in. He was tired of screaming from the pain that was inflicted upon his body, he was tired of Castus' bullshit lies, and he was tired of crying every time he was denied the love he yearned for.

So the next day, before the sun was to rise, he got out of the bed quietly as he could, got dressed in the first thing he picked up, kept his shoes off to keep from making any noise as he walked down the hallway to the door, and made sure to barely let any of the light from the hallway go into the apartment before he shut it silently. Nasir hadn't wanted to risk brushing his teeth or hair so the only thing he did was put his hair into a messy ponytail in the hallway and got around the next corner away from the apartment before he put his shoes on.

He knew he only had minutes before Castus' subconsciousness would notice his presence was absent so he put as much distance between them as he could. He refrained from using the elevator as it would take much needed time that he needed in order to escape the very person he couldn't be in the sights of. As he was just getting out of the apartment building, Castus was looking out the window and screaming for Nasir to come back in an infuriated tone, but Nasir had started running as he heard the tone of voice which meant Castus would soon come looking for him.

Nasir had relished in the fast paced thoughts that flowed into his brain as he took his first fast paced steps of freedom in three long, agonizing years. He was on the coat tails of freedom as he remembered the closest person to him had been Chadara Mason, the one girl he could always depend on no matter how much distance he had unwillingly put between them in recent years. She'd always care for him broken bones, bad relationships, and struggling music career in all - she would be the caring eyes, the comforting embrace, the shoulder he could cry on as nightmares plagued him.

He arrived at her apartment, and held down the buzzer to her room as he looked up and down the street frantically to make sure Castus wouldn't come speeding down the road to drag him back to the hell hole he had just escaped. She eventually answered the buzzing with threatening words of death, and that was the first day Nasir had gotten out of the relationship that had him in a choke-hold.

_There's only hate_  
 _There's only tears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here_  
 _Oh, so what will you do?_  
 _There's only lies_  
 _There's only fears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here_  
 _Tell me, what will you do?_

After Chadara begged him to sleep for a few more hours, he divulged the last three years of his life to her. How he had dropped out of school, how he had gotten angry at his parents just to move out, how Castus had started out loving, how Nasir had been thrust into a deep pit never to see the light again, and how on his 18th birthday his mind fought and cleared the fog within his brain to show him how wrong his life was. Through the whole explanation he couldn't fight the tears that built up in his eyes once more as he thought on all that has happened to him, but he didn't accept Chadara's comfort because he knew he had to build himself up from it so he had to start then.

Chadara admitted she had seen a change in Nasir after a few months of him and Castus being together, but thought they had been going through a rough patch so she didn't ask any questions about it. After a while she thought some therapeutic shopping was in order so she, Nasir, and Rhaskos went to the mall together to blow money Rhaskos didn't have while talking about things normal people talked about.

Nasir knew he was, now, far from normal, but he appreciated the change of pace given to him. He appreciated he wasn't being told what he could get and what he couldn't get, he appreciated letting a real smile stretch upon his face when Chadara would show him flashy 70's shirts that he would die before wearing, and he appreciated the intimidating presence Rhaskos was to other shoppers while ruffling Nasir's hair every once in a while to show Nasir he cared about the situation he was in.

But the most shocking things was, was seeing the man he crushed on at the grocery store walking with two men that were similarly built to him rough housing in the mall. The one he crushed on caught his eye so he thought, apparently thinking himself a genius, while Nasir was leaning against the third floor railing to rest a while with Chadara and Rhaskos that he'd jump off the third floor into the four foot deep pool on the first floor. Nasir's heart stopped as he watched his crush land in the water and re-emerge unharmed which made Nasir shout at him, coming out of left field for Nasir, "Are you crazy? Do you want to die? I just had a heart attack you fucking lunatic!" The man presented him with a beautiful smile that Nasir couldn't help staring at before he snapped back to his senses and stormed away fuming.

When Chadara asked him about it later, he answered that he had been crushing on the guy for the last few months and couldn't get the idiot out of his head now.

_There's only hate_  
 _There's only tears_  
 _There's only pain_  
 _There is no love here._

Nasir sat back on the bench releasing the piano from its haunting, strong melody, and took a deep breath as the tears that once again stained his face felt more lighter - as if a great weight was lifted off his soul. As if the scars on his soul had mostly dissolved, but a few stubbornly remained and he had a remedy for that.

"Thank you. We're going to take a minute to get into the next song so we can keep this mad house going" he said into his microphone as he looked out into the crowd knowing that all of his friends are in the center stage audience and aren't giving their places up for no one by crowding around each other, and holding onto belt loops, arms, or simply holding their women to their chest while keeping hands tight on the security barrier.

That minute would be all he needed to get into the song what will be the final healing factor to his soul.


End file.
